Spotlight on Boston

By on the spot journalist (and bail) Lyin-Toad

North Korean entrepreneur Kim Jong-II, Stevie E, big family man and property developer Malks and last but not least Wee Jimmi; have called a press conference.
This will consist of a press statement followed by every question being ‘no commented` as is traditional in this neck of the woods. Except of course for Jimmi the apparent turrets sufferer who can but say his name.

We are pleased to say our club has been saved. Kim Jong-II has decided that it is time to up sticks and come to Britain. What better way for a businessman to ingratiate himself with British culture than to take over a Football Institution? As Chelsea has been taken, The Boston Bastille was top of his list. He feels right at home too as everyone looks the same. On a personal level Kim Jong-II hopes to obtain a nice quiet place in the country with a bit of building room. Just as well for a man who needs thirty 40-foot containers for his luggage and a barracks for his uniformed entourage. Since landing at port negotiations have moved very smoothly I might add. Kim Jong-II has promised that the planning people will be a pushover just like the home office. He has vowed to take us places and as you know the Pilgrims motto has long been Second Chances R Us.

It was thought a slight name change to kick things off if you`ll pardon the pun. The Welwyn Garden City Pilgrims will be playing in a new 20,000-seater stadium with corporate nuclear bomb shelters in the next 2-3 years. At Stevie E`s suggestion a cash turnstiles policy will remain. We believe this is for the best and would refute any suggestions that the club has been sold down the river. Unlike Wimbledon our season ticket holders will be provided with a mini bus to home games as soon as the new stadium is built.

We journalists had been most impressed by the professionalism shown, not to mention free bar until this point. It was what happened at the signing ceremony that made you realise this was the town of Boston. As Stevie E came from behind the podium to shake on the deal poor Jimmi mysteriously fell to the floor like a glove puppet, cracking his scull to reveal a tape recorder spouting. Jimmi here? Jimmi here? Yes Steve?. Jimmi here? Yes Steve?. Wait till the squads back at full strength?”