14 Day Frenzy at Theatre of The Absurd.

With two Leicester transfer payments, one albeit via Liverpool, a Watford instalment (the Change from Elton’s florist) and Peterborough`s quarter of a million; the Sincil Bank garden is coming up roses. But, with Posh`s money about to hit any day (Hugs, kisses & thanks Barry x 2 – oh yeagh there is more than enough Barry Lurve to go round!) and an imminent announcement over Dany, the Imps will not be forced to pay over the odds for players. Bod Dorian you will be pleased to hear has already learned to peel an orange in his pocket without spilling a drop

The next 2-3 weeks will see intense activity at the Bank with two fullbacks, another midfielder and the big one coming in. Though the Imps will not be forced into throwing all the money into one transfer, we are in a position to compete and if necessary offer good signing on fees when it comes to the Championship centre forward who wants to relaunch his career with a bang.

Our money was on Billy Clarke but at 5` 7″ he does not fulfil the target man role. The signing of Chris Fagan is seen as a much better prospect, with even Alex Ferguson taking a shine to the lad a couple of seasons ago, and no he had not had a heavy session on the red. Getting the breaks at old Trafford is harder than a Janos Kovacs loaf of bread which means means many a gem falls through the gold lacquered floorboards. Keith Alexander meanwhile is trying to play hardball over Gareth Evans, surprisingly an Irish lad given his name. Keith has signed Ben Wright and even made a cheeky enquiry for Adrian Patulea. We don’t mind you taking the hasbeens keith but that is way below the belt, there could be scens not seen at the Theatre of the Absurd since Uncle Gilbert. Fallen angel Adi is back from holiday this week and hopes to meet with the club to seal his deal or fate. Should Jacko take another break it could well be a bit of ‘circumstances` used as the excuse to finally ease him out the back door. The urgency is clearly more on the Count`s side now with the rent due and tenancy up.

Back to Keith and the Imps will be unlikely to fear a 25 grand gamble at a tribunal for Maccs leading goalscorer last term. Evans is a physical lad but not a traditional target man, perhaps the Imps desire to play football as opposed to Keefball will be a major reason for him refusing to sign a new contract. Talking of Keefball, and going on the last two seasons at Sincil Bank it has its merits, does Ben Wright know what he has let himself in for? He will surely need to get on the steroids for aggression and strength enhancement, if the swan is not to become a Macclesfield delicasy akin to shredded duck. Keef likes a bloke who empties both nostrils on his defender as opposed to blowing and then disposing of the tissue when convenient. Back to Gareth Evans, as well as sounding like a rugby player, at under 24 the lad will definitely command compensation. Playing next to another ex Man U player and fellow Irishman could be a greater lure than Eeee Doink Keefball and perhaps even kissing the blarney stone itself. He is definitely an option but he is not the only option as personal terms have been agreed with this mystery Championship forward.

No news on another midfielder or for that matter Hamza the unemployed goliath. Mind you Swaibu, Hone and Kovaks are more than enough in there despite Hamza being a good defensive midfielder. One of the fullbacks is also expected to be ex Championship, with a holiday interrupting proceedings. Emanuel has had a long holiday and he played in the championship. Not only is he a great player but the potentential for a song rivals Fagan’s. All together now he’s bronze he’s quick, his names a porno flic Emanuel, Emanuel. Or is the extended holiday in question at Glenn Hoddle`s expense. The Spanish office has already landed us ‘Fingers` Fagan a bigger star in the making than even the artful dodger of yesteryear. After all these days money doesn`t grow on trees and you`ve got to pick a pocket or two Imps, you`ve gotta pick a pocket or two. Only the contents of Professor Iffy`s spreadsheet and database will tell us. In the modern age technology is the way forward and it will hardly be a cyber crime if we rescue a couple more stranded pre packaged Premiership tourists from Spain.

Forget hype, what ever happens lets enjoy the speculation. The Imps are normally the paupers, the playoff bridesmaids year on year. Well in the next couple of weeks your Uncle Vic reckons we’ll be the bride. The tables are turning and we’ll be busier than a brides nightie on her wedding night.

Tut Tut you can always rely on me to lower the tone. No wonder the Echo wont run our story and let’s not even go into the pictures!!!!